“Carry out a random act of kindness with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” -Princess Diana
When you find the right mom friends you’ll quickly recognize – that keeping score on favors, feeling the need to ‘repay’ or make up for help or having pings of guilt for asking for a last minute pinch hitter to pick up your child from school as you sit in a traffic jam – go to the wayside in a flash.
When we moved into what we considered our ‘forever, or maybe next to last’ home in 2021, we had no idea that we also would hit the neighborhood jackpot. A small suburb in Columbus, Ohio, our subdivision happened to have an abundance of growing families who would soon become best friends of our littles in a natural fashion filled with chaos, love and joy.
Different seasons of life have brought upon new friends.
I’m a big believer of the phrase, “make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold,” just as I learned in our girl scout troop many years ago. I also stumbled upon a recent quote that said once you pass the seven year mark of a friendship, you’ll likely be lifelong friends. I am proud to say I’m still best friends with my high school friends, my college roommates and now my ‘later in life’ friends who are in similar stages of raising children.
With growing children, growing schedules, demands with work, and a sometimes traveling spouse, leaning into our village of neighborhood friends has become omnipotent to do life in a successful manner. But here’s the thing, we aren’t just ‘friends or neighbors,’ we’ve become a village in every sense of the word.
Without a doubt in my mind, I know I have a camaraderie of friends who will jump in and mother my children just as I would theirs. We mother each other’s childrens and take care of each other in a way that is natural and rhythmic. It’s not forced. It’s just what we’ve come to do.
Any day of the week, I know I can lean into our carpool crew and our elementary village to help give my Kindergartener an extra hug in the school hallway if they see him having a hard time, to tag team a birthday party drop off, to high five my kiddo on the sideline if I’m running late to a game.
What goes around surely comes around. I equally love their kiddos as they love mine. In fact, though I only have a handful of my own crew, I’ve dubbed neighborhood friends our ‘5th, 6th and 7th, 8th and 9th sons. When I look at our house and see 12 kids in the backyard playing joyfully, my heart is full. It’s days like this that I dreamed of. Amidst the chaos- yes, there’s lots of that – I wouldn’t change a thing.
It might take time to find your ‘later in life friends’ as the social freedom is a bit more limited when raising a family. We don’t often get out for dinner, a wine night or a trip away; but we often get to walk a mile to school pick up, or squeeze in an early morning run; we get to take a 12 hour road trip with our families and laugh (or cry) at the mess in the seats behind us. There’s just something about connecting with humans who are in the same boat as you, at the same time – navigating both the storms and the sunshine and sharing what’s really going on. It’s not always clean and bad days happen, but we see each other in a way that’s authentic and open.
So, if you’re reading this today, my advice is to LET THEM IN.
Show them your ‘not clean and ready to host house’. In a world gleaned with Instagram cleanliness and aesthetically pristine homes, it’s hard to let them in, sometimes, in fear of being judged. But… It’s freeing to know life isn’t always pretty and that’s okay, too. We are all human; we’re all trying our best and if you’re lucky enough to find someone who loves your kids as they love their own…lean in, and let them in.
