Do we have the ability to prepare our daughters for the tumultuous world of middle school? The answers to “yes” and “no” are frustrating. While we can do our best to have a carefully curated conversation about the exciting and hard times that lay ahead, middle school is the Wild West of adolescence. It is impossible to foresee all the issues awaiting our girls. And yet, like every stage of parenting, we give it our best shot.
That’s all we know how to do. So, take your daughter out for a sushi date, a walk around the block, or hit the store for school supplies.
While you’re together, consider talking about five areas that could give her the confidence boost she needs for the journey ahead.
Expect Friends To Change
If your daughter is entering middle school with friends, what a gift! We can all appreciate the comfort of walking into a new environment with someone we know and trust. But the middle school years are times of massive change.
As difficult as it might be to comprehend, kids need to hold their friendships with an open hand. The friends your daughter walks into a new school with will, very likely, develop new friendships and new ideals. These choices may not align with your daughter. Good kids flirt with rebellious behavior, and nice girls adopt the dreaded “mean girl” attitude. Other times, friends just drift apart!
Instead of clinging tightly to friends who might change with this new season of life, make peace with the idea that some friends will change and it’s not the end of the world.
Expect change. It’s best to help her wrap her head around this concept sooner rather than later. Hold friendships loosely and be gracious when it’s time to part ways with someone. This entire concept can be painful and confusing for tweens and teens—heck, it’s painful for adults! But the goal is to help our daughters navigate mature and healthy relationships. We can lay the foundation by beginning the hard conversations now.
Welcome New Friends
The next topic in the middle school talk stems from the first. While it may become necessary to release some friendships, it is vital your daughter be willing to accept new friendships into her life. The middle school years are an awkward time. No one feels especially comfortable in their own skin and it can feel downright painful to extend yourself in any way. Making new friends means being vulnerable.
Talk to your daughter about the value of giving new people a chance.
The idea is less skepticism and more attempts at connection. Middle school offers a bigger pond and it’s worth exploring who shares the space with her.
Be Kind and Strong
Be Kind and Strong“You can be kind and strong.” It is critical that we first seek to be kind to those around us. So many human interactions could use more kindness. While kindness is key, we should also remain strong in who we are and what we deserve as a person. What if, early on, we teach our daughters that “kind” and “strong” go hand-in-hand? There’s no training ground like the halls of middle school to develop this mentality.
Dive Into Your Interests
Your daughter’s middle school years do not have to be defined by your run-of-the-mill drama or bad behavior. This is a great time for her to discover a passion. Encourage her to try a new sport or instrument. A creative writing class could help her find her voice. This time of life is perfect for exploring hobbies that spark her interest and bring your daughter joy for years to come.
Talk to Me
At the end of your conversation, if your daughter has only one takeaway, let it be this. You are a safe place and available to listen.
You may not agree with everything she shares. You might find yourself desperate to add your two cents to a story or throw advice her way. But what this daughter of yours needs most right now is for you to hear her.
She’s unloading, processing, and evaluating the mix of thoughts and feelings swirling inside her. This stage of life is overwhelming.
You are her safe harbor in the storm. Be sure she knows it.
On the occasion she does not want to talk face-to-face, encourage her to write it down in a mom-and-daughter journal. She can text or send an audio recording. (The Marco Polo app is perfect! Consider it a video walkie-talkie that doesn’t require real-time communication.) The goal is to keep an open line of communication between mother and daughter.
The uncertainty of middle school can be scary for moms of girls, so use these topics of conversation and empower your daughters to go confidently into their next phase of life.
