If you are reading this post, chances are you have become a mother, whether biologically or through adoption, foster care, surrogacy or any other circumstances that have brought you to care for a child. However, for many of you, this crazy beautiful journey that we call motherhood may have seemed like a faraway dream.
At City Moms Blog Network, we want to speak to all moms, to all walks of motherhood, and to all of the things that may be making you feel isolated or alone in this journey. One of those things is infertility. Whether you are suffering through it now, have suffered through it in the past, or are trying to help a friend or family member survive those dark days as we speak, please know that you are not alone. Along with our amazing sister sites, we have compiled a list of posts about all-things infertility. Our hope is that these words help you, comfort you, and break through that isolation to remind you that you have a community of mom-friends who have been there, who have suffered through those unending negative pregnancy tests, and who have made it to the other side, in one way or another. Thank you to all who have shared their stories, you have no idea how many people you have helped with your words! If you know someone who needs to read these posts today, PLEASE share this with them.
She Will Be Worth It
What you haven’t learned yet is that she will be worth it. Every tear, every injection, every negative pregnancy test and every single penny spent on treatments will be so worth it because the little girl who will call you “Mommy” is perfect.
An “Oops” Baby After Infertility
However, as a woman who had to overcome infertility for her first baby, I loved the term “oops baby” — mainly because I wanted to have one so badly! To me, an oops baby meant no Clomid. No ovulation prediction kits. No internal sonograms multiple times a week. No blood draws, no humiliating exams, no IUIs, no disappointing negative pregnancy tests.
Mom in the Making
I look at our current situation as an opportunity to bring awareness to the harsh realities of infertility, but to also give people hope. I pride myself in being someone that your friend at church, or co-worker, or sister can talk to in the midst of their own infertility battle.
When Baby Doesn’t Come After A Positive Pregnancy Test
Time stood still as the nurse told me my levels did not indicate that I was pregnant. I went numb as the doctor explained that we could try again, and the good news was that we had conceived naturally. My heart sank as I realized that I would never get to hold this baby that I already loved with my whole heart. The days that followed were some of our darkest days.
I Never Knew…Secondary Infertility
I hope through sharing my experience I can help bring awareness and give at least one mama hope that she is not alone. I have also learned that there is no such thing as a plan. Life takes you on unexpected twists and turns. You will learn to change and grow with each hurdle you need to overcome.
So, When Are You Going to Have Kids?
The grief. The grief of dreams that have died. The grief of negative tests, bad news from doctors, the miscarriages. The list is endless. Eventually, the strength will come back, and hopefully bitterness hasn’t taken root.
Infertility: Don’t Suffer in Silence
The thing about keeping silent about infertility is that it creates this feeling of being alone. You feel as if you are broken because your body is not doing what all the women in your life are able to do.
Infertility: What to Expect When Your BFF Is Not Expecting
I understand now that watching someone you care for struggle with infertility is also a deeply emotional experience. She may remain a very dear friend, but our relationship has been forever changed. The only thing more heartbreaking than infertility is when friends treat you as being fundamentally different because of your battle.
My Journey of Infertility
That word changed the way I thought about myself. I mean, I was healthy, and ready to start a family. Yet month after month, my disappointment would rush over me like a terrible, suffocating tidal wave. I internalized this failure to conceive.
Their Pea My Pod: Infertility Through a Surrogate’s Eyes
I carried a baby boy to 36 weeks and then my water broke the night the parents landed back in California. He was ready to meet his parents, and they were ready to meet him. They held my hand while I gave birth and the look on their faces when he was born made everything worth it.
Infertility: A Friend’s Perspective
Today I am sad. Today I empathize. Today I feel as though I physically am missing the piece of you that is missing. The gap that is only known by mothers who haven’t, yet, had children, whose hearts deeply plea for a precious life to be entrusted to them. I have had a mere glimpse into that desire. I see the yearning in your eyes and I hear the longing in your voice.
My Family Journey: Coming Through Infertility
Some nights when my son wakes up screaming at 3 a.m., I slip out of bed to cuddle him. I smooth his funny curls and touch his wet cheeks and try to calm him. I hold him while he fusses. Sure, it’s easy to feel exhausted and irritated, knowing I have to be at work in four hours. But I have not forgotten what we went through. The crying at 3 a.m. could easily be me, still missing a baby I never was able to have.
Dear Friend, I Was You.
Maybe you don’t need a confidant or a friend in your corner, but I know I did. I needed that friend who understood what I was going through (because she too walked this path), who would let me call to say “It happened again,” and who would not ask a single question but simply sit in silence while I sobbed.
All I Want for Christmas is To Hear My Daughter Say “Mama”
So, to the woman at the restaurant who watched us and smiled at my daughter with a look I know too well, one with hope but also heartache. I see you. To the mom who I saw noticeably flinch when asked by a stranger if she only had one kid, when in her heart she has more. I see you. And to the woman who swears that her dog is her furbaby, while she secretly weeps for babies she’s lost. I see you. I want you to know that there are others like you and while your story is unique, we should all find comfort in a shared pain and hold out hope for our own miracles.
How Infertility Changed Me
I hope you know that the moment you hold your baby in your arms, what you’ve been through will fade to the background. Those struggles of the past will melt away. You’ll no longer be defined by your infertility. Instead you’ll just be mom.
From Barren to Bun in the Oven: What Not to Say to Your Newly Pregnant Friend
Since enough people had shared in our infertility journey, we got to hear some expressions of joy that truly made me cringe. I know people meant well, but the rose-petals of their well-wishes often felt like rocks pelted at my bruised heart.
IVF: Can I Do This Again?
But most of my questions, fears, and concerns about heading down this road again relate directly to IVF. The emotional roller coaster. The physical side effects. The reality that pursuing IVF again is no guarantee.
Overcoming Infertility: Becoming Her Mommy
Becoming a mom doesn’t happen the same way for everyone. For some it’s an accidental blessing. Others make a plan that just works. Still others plan and hope and dream and pray….and wait…and wait…and wait.directly to IVF. The emotional roller coaster. The physical side effects. The reality that pursuing IVF again is no guarantee.
At a Fork in the Fertility Road: Secondary Infertility
I do my best to put on my brave face when people say that it is time for a second child. Of course they don’t know because I don’t talk about it. But on occasion I just can’t hold back the tears anymore and my armor shatters.
Everyone Has A Baby But Me: The Painful Truth About Infertility
If you’ve never personally struggled with infertility, it might be hard to imagine what that journey can be like. For me it was the one of the lowest points in my life. Not knowing if I would ever be able to carry a baby was a struggle that took a toll on my mental health, my faith, my relationships, and my marriage.
When You Want to Be a Mommy But It’s Not Happening
Playing with baby dolls. That’s the first time you remember wanting to be a Mommy. The Mommy. And like every other little girl with a baby doll, you knew when you grew up that you would have a little girl who would look at you and call you Mommy. You were going to meet Prince Charming, get married and have 3-4 children. Yeah, that didn’t happen.
I Am Not Pregnant.
Every day, I pay attention, vigilantly, to what my body is doing. I’m peeing on sticks and watching for symptoms and tracking temperatures. I am aware, all the time, of what is happening in my body. There is no break – from beginning to end of every cycle, and then starting again at the top, I know, because I track. I eat, sleep, work, and watch Netflix through a constant, low-level awareness of where I am in the fertility cycle. I am tired. And I am not pregnant. So I keep going.
How Many Sticks Have You Peed On?
I had lost my baby. I was angry and moved through the stages of grief only halfheartedly, and mostly within myself as my mother had never had a miscarriage and it was not a topic that rolled off the tongue easily with friends.