"The lost possibilities haunt me. Songs that are supposed to be about the love that got away, every country song on the radio, every Alison Krauss song ever, they are all about Coco."
The truth is that once you lose a baby, you are not the same. Each of your children, whether they make it to babyhood, childhood or adulthood, changes you. And while you have been rocked, changed, rearranged and never to be the same again, by their loss, something you never wanted, the change that happens in you doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Five years ago when I was 3 months pregnant with my first daughter, my mom passed away. Just like that, she was gone. It was the worst day of my life, it felt like the world caved in on me. What was supposed to be the happiest time of my life was clouded by the sad realization that I was going to experience motherhood without the person I needed the most by my side. I naturally always imagined that she would be there when I had my own children, it was unbearable to accept the fact that I had to do this without her.