A Gift of Love: Why I Gave My Daughter Up For Adoption

When you’re 16 there is really no good, or right, way to tell your parents that you think you are pregnant. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid, they say “do it fast and it will hurt less”, but in reality no matter how fast you do it, it’s always going to sting. That’s how it felt telling my mom that I thought I was pregnant at the age of 16. I was short and to the point, but with my few words there was more emotion than I could ever imagine.

As we were sitting on the basement couch and I was an emotional mess, I remember my mom telling me how it’s going to be alright and how she will always love me no matter what. She continued to reassure me after I had expressed my doubts on how she could love me when I had disappointed her so much. Not all girls who go through teen pregnancy are as lucky to have such loving and understanding parents as me.

From the moment I told my mom I was pregnant, I knew adoption was going to be my choice. I was single, 16, and still such a child myself. I have been so lucky to grow up with two happily married parents who could support me, spoil me, and always be there no matter what. I would never want to deprive any child from that experience if I could help it. In this case I could. I could give this child everything I wanted for her.

Back tracking a little bit, I would just like to note that I played volleyball, basketball, poms, and dance all up until I “came out” as being pregnant at 6 months. I was very healthy and barely showing. When people found out at school I was 110% prepared for any comment or looks that I might get. Not that I should be surprised, coming from such a loving community, I got very little of that. My friends never left my side, the teachers treated me no different, but they let me know that they were there if I needed them. Although going to school pregnant at 16 was definitely not ideal, being surrounded by such amazing people made it a whole lot better.

Adoption may seem like a selfish decision, but I assure you that it is the furthest thing from that. Adoption was my decision to give this child a happy, stable family that could support her every need or want. A family that could do the things I couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I could have kept her and taken care of her, I could have, but it didn’t seem fair to put her through all of my struggles. Especially when I knew I could give her something much better.

I remember walking into the adoption agency for the first time. I had no idea what to expect. They explained the whole process and how things work and then handed me a stack of books. The whole thing is a pretty big blur to me. But I took the books home and I went through them. Some of them were easy to rule out and clearly not the correct fit for what I was looking for. Finally I had it narrowed down to two families and when I chose it just seemed right. I don’t know what it was about this family or how to describe the feeling, but I just knew that they were the perfect fit. They were everything I was looking for.

The first time I ever met Eric and Melissa at the adoption agency I remember feeling extremely confident that I had made the best decision. They shared their story about wanting kids and how they had tried for so long. They both loved kids so much, seeing as how they are both teachers at an elementary school. The whole situation was perfect. I could see it all coming together and how great of a life this little girl could have.

Up until K’s birthdate, my family and I had met up with Eric and Melissa on our own time to grab dinner and get to know these new people that were going to be a permanent addition to our lives. The more time that passed, the more confident I got with each of our visits.

Finally, I had gone to my final doctor’s appointment before K was supposed to arrive. I remember telling my doctor that softball practice starts on May 10^th, and I needed her to come soon. She assured me that she would, and she was right! About two days later at 6am my parents and I were on our way to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital they got me situated and then the process started. The nurses were great at making sure I was comfortable every step of the way. Finally at around 4pm on May 3^rd baby K had arrived!

The days in the hospital were emotional and great all at the same time. I had time with K and so did Eric and Melissa. When it came time to go home Eric and Melissa gave me the best gift ever, a cute necklace that says, “I carry you in my heart” and Melissa has a matching one that says K’s name.

I have never regretted my decision of adoption. I am actually very proud of my decision. It is the most ideal adoption situation I could have ever imagined. I see Eric, Melissa, and K for every holiday, her birthday, and a few times in between. They were at my graduation, they watched me play sports, and are always there for support. K is now 3 and can say Alexandra pretty well which makes me very happy :). She is adorable, smart, spoiled, and perfect! Although it got rough at times I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Eric and Melissa are great parents and I am eternally grateful for how amazing these two people are.

**Special thanks to Alexandra Doyle for sharing her amazing story with us today! Read Melissa’s perspective of this beautiful adoption story here.